Accepting The Challenge To Change
ERROR!! That is what my scale said when I stepped on it. I was devastated. I read the instruction manual and the maximum weight for the scale was 330 pounds. How could it be that I weighed more than 330 pounds. So I searched for a scale with a 400 pound capacity. I ordered it and when it came in the mail, I ripped it open, placed it on the floor and stepped on it. I couldn't believe my eyes, 350 pounds (my max weight in January, 2008). My spirit was broken and my heart shattered, how could I let this happen. With those 350 pounds came low self esteem, emotional chaos, bad health and a suffering relationship.
Since I can remember I was always a "Big Girl". Throughout my school years I was known as "fatty" or "tons of fun". There were times when I would prepare myself for school by looking in the mirror or drawing a picture and calling myself names, in an effort to get as many tears out as possible, so that I would not cry when the name calling started. I didn't want to give them the satisfaction of seeing my tears.
Time and time again I have tried to conquer the one thing I couldn't and that was my weight. Many of nights you could find me ordering a magic fat blocking pill or a series of workout videos or some fancy machine that gave you ripped abs, all money wasted. Nothing worked.
Then it happened, in September 2008, I hit a wall. After having my son in April 2008 and a maternity leave filled with eating just because I was bored, I weighed in at 302 pounds wearing a size 24/26. Yes, for years I had lost and gained and this is where I ended up. The moment had finally come, my mind, body and spirit all reached the pinnacle of being fed up! I wanted out of the 300's and bad. I was at a breaking point. I would avoid looking in any mirror, looking at my reflection, or even my shadow for that matter. I truly hated seeing myself.
Since I can remember I was always a "Big Girl". Throughout my school years I was known as "fatty" or "tons of fun". There were times when I would prepare myself for school by looking in the mirror or drawing a picture and calling myself names, in an effort to get as many tears out as possible, so that I would not cry when the name calling started. I didn't want to give them the satisfaction of seeing my tears.
Time and time again I have tried to conquer the one thing I couldn't and that was my weight. Many of nights you could find me ordering a magic fat blocking pill or a series of workout videos or some fancy machine that gave you ripped abs, all money wasted. Nothing worked.
Then it happened, in September 2008, I hit a wall. After having my son in April 2008 and a maternity leave filled with eating just because I was bored, I weighed in at 302 pounds wearing a size 24/26. Yes, for years I had lost and gained and this is where I ended up. The moment had finally come, my mind, body and spirit all reached the pinnacle of being fed up! I wanted out of the 300's and bad. I was at a breaking point. I would avoid looking in any mirror, looking at my reflection, or even my shadow for that matter. I truly hated seeing myself.
NEXT PHOTOS AT MY HEAVIEST (350 POUNDS)!
posted by Katrin Smith @ 7:40 AM
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